Monday, September 29, 2008
Quick Update
Just for all of you following...still no yelling! :o) Staying strong and keeping calm! YAY!
Friday, September 26, 2008
EXCITING NEWS!!
For some of you, this may sound weird, silly or even unfathomable...but put yourself in a "single-mother's" perspective for a moment and maybe you'll be able to feel the excitement and thrill of today.
I received in the mail today, Mikaelyn's NEW birth certificate! The birth certificate with Anthony's name as the father and with her name legally hyphenated. (I'm just not ready to give up my last name if there isn't a ring on my finger!) :o)
When I found out that I was pregnant, it was a SHOCK to both myself and Anthony...let alone my family! (Birth control pills DO NOT always work, Mikaelyn is living proof of that) Without going into too much detail, throughout the pregnancy, I wasn't sure what Anthony's role would be in Mikaelyn's life as I left it completely up to him how he wanted to move forward. As the birth became closer and more eminent, Anthony started to feel the joy of what having a little girl would be and became very excited about being a Daddy to this little baby girl. Although we decided to co-parent as much as possible (seeing that he didn't live with us and had a busy schedule amongst other things), we also decided that to avoid having to deal with child support and such, we would leave his name off of the birth certificate.
Some may not understand my stance on child support, but I do not want a "pay check" father for my child...I want their time, care and love for my child...money is just money, love is EVERYTHING! Sadly, the State of Washington (and I'm sure many other states), make it very difficult for Father's when it comes to child support and I didn't want that to be a factor in whether my daughter had a father or a "dad". I never wanted her to be the victim of resentful feelings because of the money having to be given.
So for the last 4 years, Mikaelyn has not had anybody listed as her father. It's really not that big of a deal, but it was never far from my mind or my heart. I never felt like she was complete without that name legally on a piece of paper, even though she had a stay at home dad that showed and proved his love for her on a daily basis.
But, with my trip to Uganda coming up, I felt it necessary that I handle some "business" as far providing for my family was concerned. I got myself a life insurance policy in case anything happened to me, I'm also working on finally having my will drawn up and getting Anthony on the birth certificate was at the top of this list. If something happened to me, Mikaelyn would automatically go to my parents. Now, I don't have a problem with this as my parents LOVE Mikaelyn dearly and would raise her with the utmost care and concern for her well being...but I wouldn't want to uproot her and take her away from her Father and the life that she knows. Not now, not after everything we have worked towards the last 4 years. Now, if this happened, Anthony could fight for her (which he would), but he would have to go through hoops to prove paternity and then all kinds of things that I would never want to not only put Mikaelyn through, but make him go through after losing me and possibly losing his daughter.
This may sound all a bit morbid, but when you have a child, you HAVE to think of the future and you have to prepare for the worst at some point.
So, with all of these things in mind, we finally decided to sign the paternity affadavit to prove that Anthony is the father!! After mailing it in a few weeks ago and paying the small fee to not only add him, but to legally hyphenate her name (she can decide what she wants to go by when she grows up), I recieved her "Certificate of Live Birth" today in the mail!
I am beyond thrilled to finally have documentation for my little girl. I feel relieved that if anything were to happen to me, that my family would be taken care of and that there is NO QUESTION who my daughter is and who she belongs to.
Today is a good day...and I'm going to go celebrate with Mikaelyn Joy Groenink-Hodge! :o)
Here we are...The Groenink-Hodge Family! :o)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
6 days and counting...
Having a 4 year old is not always the easiest of things to handle every day, all day. But these last 6 days have been SO much better than any other consecutive 6 days that I have had in a very long time.
Last Thursday evening while Anthony was at work, Mikaelyn and I sat on her bed and had our 1st REAL "Heart to Heart" talk. We talk all the time and we discuss situations and issues often, but this one was different. We sat on the bed holding hands talking about how we are both struggling with our "attitudes". I have found myself to have 2 levels of talking...normal, happy talking and yelling. And Mikaelyn, at this age is really starting to talk back, thinking she's being silly, when in actuality, it's becoming a bit disrespectful, not only to Anthony & I, but it's filtering into her classes and I don't want to have her being disrespectful to her teachers or her classmates.
I never thought I would be that Mom that was yelling all the time, but I found myself getting SO frustrated that she is going through these phases, I didn't know how else to cope. Yelling seemed to give me a sort of release that for a quick moment made me feel better. But I realized when I went to bed every night that the yelling actually made me feel worse b/c I HATE to see my daughter flinch b/c my voice is raised or cry b/c she feels I'm being mean or that I'm mad at her.
Now, let me put this into a perspective so I don't sound like I'm a "softy". Children need to be disciplined and it is imperative that they know who is boss, but there are other ways to go about this then to yell and scream at them b/c really, what does that accomplish?! Well, I found out...it accomplishes NOTHING!
Somone once told me that you need to keep your 'yelling voice' for those times when it is important to yell, such as to scream "GOOD JOB" when they're playing in a soccer game, or better yet, to yell at them if they're in danger of some sort (say a car coming at them in the street). To yell for no reason, or just because I'm frustrated, is no reason to yell at all. And like I said before, the feeling of release of that frustration is only for a moment...then your heart speaks to you and you feel badly for making the poor child feel bad when really, they're learning every day what is right and wrong, and it's our job as parents to teach them those things...not to scream them at them!
So, Mikaelyn and I discussed how it upsets her when I yell and I told her that I am going to really have to work at it, and I may make mistakes, but that I am going to do my very best to not yell at her anymore. I explained to her that if she was naughty, that she would still need to be disciplined b/c that is what Mom's and Dad's do to help teach them the right things to do, but that I was going to try my hardest not to yell. I also told her that if I DID yell, that she should say to me, "Mommy, please don't yell". We also discussed her attitude and the things that she needed to change, such as the talking back. She said she would try hard and that if she did talk back that I could say, "Mikaelyn, please don't talk back and please be respectful". And again, we discussed punishment if she was not able to follow these rules.
So, today, Wednesday is Day 6 of NOT yelling!!! YAY!!!
It may sound terrible and hopefully nobody thinks I'm a terrible Mom for being a "yeller", but hopefully what you'll see through this experience is that we learn by our mistakes. And that is precisely what I am trying to do. I'm not saying I will never yell, b/c these things just happen at times, but I am working hard every day to make our home calmer and therefore more pleasant to be a part of.
Although Mikaelyn is still working on her attitude, I mean, come on, she is only 4 and still testing the waters...I have already seen a dramatic improvement in our communication! We will have road bumps here and there, but I think this is one that is getting smoother every day!
So, here's to the next 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months and 6 years of lowering my voice and communicating with my child! It's what she deserves!!!
Last Thursday evening while Anthony was at work, Mikaelyn and I sat on her bed and had our 1st REAL "Heart to Heart" talk. We talk all the time and we discuss situations and issues often, but this one was different. We sat on the bed holding hands talking about how we are both struggling with our "attitudes". I have found myself to have 2 levels of talking...normal, happy talking and yelling. And Mikaelyn, at this age is really starting to talk back, thinking she's being silly, when in actuality, it's becoming a bit disrespectful, not only to Anthony & I, but it's filtering into her classes and I don't want to have her being disrespectful to her teachers or her classmates.
I never thought I would be that Mom that was yelling all the time, but I found myself getting SO frustrated that she is going through these phases, I didn't know how else to cope. Yelling seemed to give me a sort of release that for a quick moment made me feel better. But I realized when I went to bed every night that the yelling actually made me feel worse b/c I HATE to see my daughter flinch b/c my voice is raised or cry b/c she feels I'm being mean or that I'm mad at her.
Now, let me put this into a perspective so I don't sound like I'm a "softy". Children need to be disciplined and it is imperative that they know who is boss, but there are other ways to go about this then to yell and scream at them b/c really, what does that accomplish?! Well, I found out...it accomplishes NOTHING!
Somone once told me that you need to keep your 'yelling voice' for those times when it is important to yell, such as to scream "GOOD JOB" when they're playing in a soccer game, or better yet, to yell at them if they're in danger of some sort (say a car coming at them in the street). To yell for no reason, or just because I'm frustrated, is no reason to yell at all. And like I said before, the feeling of release of that frustration is only for a moment...then your heart speaks to you and you feel badly for making the poor child feel bad when really, they're learning every day what is right and wrong, and it's our job as parents to teach them those things...not to scream them at them!
So, Mikaelyn and I discussed how it upsets her when I yell and I told her that I am going to really have to work at it, and I may make mistakes, but that I am going to do my very best to not yell at her anymore. I explained to her that if she was naughty, that she would still need to be disciplined b/c that is what Mom's and Dad's do to help teach them the right things to do, but that I was going to try my hardest not to yell. I also told her that if I DID yell, that she should say to me, "Mommy, please don't yell". We also discussed her attitude and the things that she needed to change, such as the talking back. She said she would try hard and that if she did talk back that I could say, "Mikaelyn, please don't talk back and please be respectful". And again, we discussed punishment if she was not able to follow these rules.
So, today, Wednesday is Day 6 of NOT yelling!!! YAY!!!
It may sound terrible and hopefully nobody thinks I'm a terrible Mom for being a "yeller", but hopefully what you'll see through this experience is that we learn by our mistakes. And that is precisely what I am trying to do. I'm not saying I will never yell, b/c these things just happen at times, but I am working hard every day to make our home calmer and therefore more pleasant to be a part of.
Although Mikaelyn is still working on her attitude, I mean, come on, she is only 4 and still testing the waters...I have already seen a dramatic improvement in our communication! We will have road bumps here and there, but I think this is one that is getting smoother every day!
So, here's to the next 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months and 6 years of lowering my voice and communicating with my child! It's what she deserves!!!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Busy Fall...
I have thought many times about sitting down and "blogging", but for one reason or another, I just haven't done it...no excuses.
The "fall" so far has been fairly busy for us. We started it out by a last minute weekend trip to Long Beach, WA to stay at a 
cottage owned by one of the lady's I work for. The trip itself was something we needed and enjoyed thoroughly. Other than the "sneaker wave" that attacked us and made me drop my camera, took Anthony's iPod out to sea, not to mention soaked us and everything we had on the sand. After the initial shock, we realize how hilarious it was, but also how expensive or an encounter it was...oh well, we are all safe and THAT is what really matters.
cottage owned by one of the lady's I work for. The trip itself was something we needed and enjoyed thoroughly. Other than the "sneaker wave" that attacked us and made me drop my camera, took Anthony's iPod out to sea, not to mention soaked us and everything we had on the sand. After the initial shock, we realize how hilarious it was, but also how expensive or an encounter it was...oh well, we are all safe and THAT is what really matters.
The week we returned from the ocean (after staying an extra day because we just didn't want to leave), Mikaelyn started Preschool at a Montessori school about 4 minutes from home and also about 4 minutes from my work. She will be going Thursday and Friday afternoons and so far, she just ADORES it! We have also started her in gymnastics, dance (ballet & tap) and she will start soccer next week. That gives her an activity, or school Monday through Friday...meaning my taxi cab skills are kicking into high gear. She loves being out of the house and meeting new friends. 
The only downfall is that a few of the days she can no longer take a nap...this has been a difficult adjustment. Some of my friends have told me that their kids just stop taking naps when they turned 3 or 4 or whenever, but not my child! She takes a nap religiously at 1pm every day! She will sleep anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 hours! She's doing ok, but just having to go to bed earlier than normal and I'm having to keep her a bit more busy in the evenings so that she doesn't doze off.
On top of all of Mikaelyn's activities, I am still working hard, and trying to keep up the household...it seems as if the chores are going by the wayside though...oh well, I'll catch up sooner or later! Looks like we'll be getting brand new carpet in our apartment...so I'm waiting until that happens...ahh, excuses! :o)
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